---
title: "Never split the difference - Book notes"
slug: never-split-the-difference-book-notes
date_published: "2021-06-12T20:24:17.000Z"
date_updated: "2021-06-12T20:26:43.000Z"
tags: ["book", "notes"]
draft: false
summary: "Negotiating tactics. Bending your counterpart reality. Negotiating offers and numbers."
images: ["/content/images/2021/06/IMG_2175.jpeg"]
---

## Negotiating tactics:

- Mirror
  - Literally repeat what someone says with a question. Then pause and let the person elaborate.
- Label
  - It seems like you are not happy with the current situation. Then pause and let the person elaborate.
- Silence
  - Let the person elaborate.
- Voice tones:
  - Deep CALM late night voice: use it to make direct points and don't hesitate. Don't leave room for the other person to fight the point because it is not a question.
    - I'm in, he is out.
  - Friendly voice with a smile: default voice for everything but points
  - Angry or aggressive voice: never use it.
- Trying to get person to say "that's right", not "you are right".
  - Never argue. Calm deep voice.
  - Effective pauses: silence to encourage the other party to keep talking.
  - Minimal encouragements: Say "aha", "ok", "yes" to acknowledge that you are listening.
  - Mirroring: Repeat what the other person said.
  - Labelling: Name feelings.
    - It all seems so tragically unfair
    - I can now see why you sound so angry
  - Paraphrase: Repeat what the person just said in your own words.
    - This shows that you are really paying attention and not just repeating the words.
  - Summarise:
    - Paraphrase + Labelling = Summary
    - Repeat what the other person said in your own words and label the feelings and emotions.
    - Really actively listen and summarise everything.
    - When someone is faced with a good summary, the only possible answer is "that's right".

## Bend their reality:

- Find the black swan piece of information.
- Don't compromise.
  - Meeting half way often leads to bad deals from both sides.
- Create a deadline.
  - Approaching deadlines often force people to compromise and take decisions that are against their best interest.
- The F bomb, the word "Fair" is an emotional word used to force someone into a compromise and gain concessions
  - When someone says "that's fair" to you, ask them "Could you explain how am I mistreating you?"
- When making an offer, anchor the emotions by first mentioning an extreme example of how bad it will be.
  - Examples:
    - This is going to be terrible, you are not going to like it.
    - You really will not like this...
    - I'm sorry father, for I have sinned...
  - The real offer will then seem much more reasonable.
- People are more afraid of losing than winning.
  - Make sure the counterpart know what they will lose if they take no action.

## Negotiating numbers:

- Set extreme number to make actual offer reasonable
- Give exact numbers, not finished in 0.
  - 127k-143k, instead of 110k
  - Exact numbers look less flexible and make it look like you made some calculations
- Give ranges, being the lower end of the range your expected rate.
  - They will probably choose the lower end of the range, but they will feel great because they saved from the higher end of the range.
- Ask for non monetary compensations:
  - What does the person have that would be valuable to me but cheap to them?
  - Examples:
    - 1 extra week of holidays
    - Relocation package
    - Company car
    - Courses
    - Remote work
- Define success and metrics during negotiation
  - Free for your boss.
  - Planned salary raise when you meet the target
  - "What does it take to be successful here?"
    - He will give a detail explanation. It will spark he's interest in your success. You gain an unofficial mentor.
    - Your boss will have a stake on you.
    - Sell yourself and your success to your boss, as a way for them to validate their own intelligence and success within the company.